apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
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