im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
I stole a fireplace last night.
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
Randomize
