ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
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