do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
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