Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
Randomize
