did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
Randomize
