piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
Randomize
