I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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