What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
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