so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
