so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
Randomize
