you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
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