So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
Randomize
