This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
