y did u give ur computer a hand job?
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
Randomize