So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
Randomize
