"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
