I need to stop coming to work sober
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Randomize
