I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize
