What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
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