I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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