My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
Randomize
