So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
Can Purell be used as lube?
yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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