her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
