Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
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