You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
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