Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
