If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
Randomize
