i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
Randomize
