I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
There's a naked man in my car right now.
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Randomize
