ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
Randomize
