guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
Randomize
