Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
Randomize
