My hand turned me down
Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
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