what if every blade of grass was a penis?
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
Randomize
