Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
