You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
Randomize
