So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
Randomize
