mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
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