she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
Randomize