Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
Randomize
