did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
two words: eviction party
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Randomize
