sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
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