It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Randomize
