I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Randomize
