Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
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