what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
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