I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
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