I want to make a zoo with you.
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
Randomize
