Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
Randomize