enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
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