Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
Randomize
