Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
Randomize