you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
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