they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
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