Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize