I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
Randomize
