i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
Randomize
