remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
Randomize
