btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
Randomize