I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
Randomize
