At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
