I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
