just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
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