I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Randomize
