You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
Randomize
