I want to make a zoo with you.
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
Randomize
