You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
oh god was she eating orange peels again
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize
