That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Randomize
