1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
Randomize
