I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
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