if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Randomize
