You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
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