i mean i cnt help that this campus has the highest STI rate
her vagine was all disorganized.
Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Randomize
