wat bout pragnant strippers??
apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
Randomize
