I don't usually arrange sex via text message
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
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