I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
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