I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
