So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
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