Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
Randomize
