I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
Randomize
