He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
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