the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
Randomize
