I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
Oh god it's open bar.
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize