If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
Randomize
