Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
Randomize
