I see my mary-anne walkin' awa-y-y! Bow Nahw now new, ne ne ne ne ne, ne ne nehw, ne ne new new Nah dan ah bwawn-now, ba bwan'll buh dada bwiddly doo.
That was supposed to be me air guitaring the solo from More than A Feeling
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
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