the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
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