Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
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