rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
I have tasted many bathrooms
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
Randomize
