he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
