I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
