Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
