Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
Randomize
