Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
Randomize
