Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize
