Its a bunch of hippies dancing in front of a stobe light. For ten dollars I could have gone to the strip club and at least had a lap dance
I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
Randomize
