have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
Randomize
