I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
Randomize
