420 ftw
cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
