finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
Never underestimate the power of titties
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
Randomize
