I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
