i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
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